I feel like such a screw up. I feel like everyone is telling me today how much of a screw up I am! How I'm flakey, how I'm incompetent. I've been crying because of this. I can't let people tell me who I am. I can't let people tell me I'm a screw up, I'm a flake. I know in my heart I'm not a flake and I'm not a screw up. I'm so upset today. This is my second crying session today.

i'm so frustrated with my family. and i'm in this situation that's so unique to my family i don't think anyone could understand. in my family once you graduate from college, you get $12,000 a year. my dad says i can do whatever with that, my grandma, who's the one who puts in the money, says i have to use it towards education. but i don't even know whether i want to go to grad school or not! my dad says there is plenty of money excluding this

the only people who could understand what i'm going through is someone my age who's family saved and planned for a trust fund but who's family members all have different ideas of what and when i should get the money. i know, poor little rich girl. but at the same time, it doesn't have to be this hard for me. i shouldn't have to cry and worry about money all the time like i do.

fuck fuckedy fuck fuck fuck. i'm so tired and i'm supposed to have tomorrow off but guess what? NO!!!!!! i forgot i'm supposed to cover for my co-worker! god damn it! i need to quit this job but i just started two months ago. i feel bad about quitting so soon. i just remembered like a half an hour ago that i have to cover my co-worker tomorrow!!!!!!!!! i'm so stressed out, i'm not happy in my life, i have too few friends and they are never around, i don't talk or rely on my mother. i wish i didn't have to deal with all this shit. i just wish i wasn't alive right now. i have so many fucking things i need to take care of but i can't cause i'm working tomorrow. great.

Golden Gate Obstretrics don't allow their patients to have doulas at their births. Health care should be about choice, not fear and judgement GG Obstetrics.

Link is too long but see Golden Gate Ob/Gyn Office Forms, Most Commonly Asked OB Questions, #16

Why am I not surprised they work at CPMC? *Sigh*

sacred birth place

I haven't actually given birth here but I've met Selena, the Midwife, and Nariman, the doula. Both were very nice. The birthing center itself is gorgeous. Nice jacuzzi tubs, beautiful furniture etc. I've also heard good stories about births taken place here. If you are a pregnant mommy in the East Bay, definitely check it out.

alta bates

My second client gave birth at Alta Bates. Her nurse, Marianne, was awesome to both me and my client. Her midwives were awesome (Greta and Sally). Midwife Sally suggested my client labor on the toilet when she was transitioning and I think it really helped my client dilate those extra few centimeters.

I do have a few complaints:

First, the rooms are very small.

Second, doulas have to wait downstairs until their clients are done with triage then dad or friend or cousin has to leave laboring mom to go downstairs and get doula. That is hard for laboring mom, having hubby leave to get doula and it's hard for the doula to not be able to provide labor support for that length of time. This is a big problem.

Third, there were a lot of people who magically appeared right before my client birthed her baby, presumably to clean the baby, weight and measure baby etc. How come there needs to be all these people at Alta Bates just to clean the baby, weight the baby etc when at Kaiser it only took the Nurse already there to do these things? It seems unnecessary and intrusive.

Other than those three things, it was a good experience at Alta Bates. I look forward to doula-ing again there soon.

kaiser walnut creek

The stars aligned last night for my client, S., to have a gorgeous birth at Kaiser. Her Certified Nurse Midwife (CNM), Kristen, was AMAZING, and super nice and helpful to me, the doula in training. Kristen stayed with S. through the whole pushing stage and was incredibly helpful. Kristen let me and S.'s mother hold S.'s legs so we got a front row seat for the crowning and delivery of the baby. Kristen told me later that she was able to stay with us for so long because there wasn't anyone else who needed her. S.'s RN, Flora, was great too.

5 stars for Kristen, Flora, free parking, not having any medical interventions pushed on my client, being doula friendly, clean facilities, a shower (which helped S. a great deal), putting baby right on S.'s chest after the delivery and helping S. breastfeed right away.