cutting my addictions. i've decided to take a break from the social networking site i met this guy from. take a break for a few days at least. taking a break from it will help me hate him less i think. give me some distance. life goes on. he has my cell no if he really wants to hang out again. otherwise, oh well. i could tell myself that i'll meet others but the truth is, i may not. i may never meet the one for me. my life is very stressful right now. i have too few friends. too few money. i have no love. my job is stressful. i need another part time job. i might need a roommate. i think i need to go see an intuitive counselor again but i'm scared but it's hard! it's really really emotional to go see one. i don't feel like crying anymore. it's really hard to "let go" when the person you like, who you are trying to forget about, is always online, on the internet. a presence in front of you. i wanna tell everyone around me to go fuck themselves right now. i wanna tell this guy to go fuck himself, i wanna tell another guy i like to go fuck himself. i'm worth more than this shit. a guy should call me on the fucking phone and making fucking dates with me on the fucking phone. one of the guys is a southerner and he's always talking about how ppl up here don't know how to date. he doesn't fucking know how to date. i just don't wanna date right now. everyone fucking sucks. i don't feel loved at all. i'm a good person. i'm worthy of love. why don't i have love. i have a good singing voice, i'm a good dancer, i'm a kind person, i (used to be a) am a good writer, i'm smart, i can be funny, i'm decent looking. then why do i want to die? i wish i had never started talking to this guy on this social networking website. i wish i had never met him. i wish he had never showed an interest in me. i wish my job was different.

fuckedy fuck fuck fuck. i've had a horrible fucking day and i'm feeling horrible and shitty now. and to top off my shitty ass day i go to post and unload my feelings onto lj and i find out my fucking acct has been suspended!!!!!! what the fuckedy fuck? what the hell did i say that suspended it? and there wasn't any warning either! fuck you, livejournal. motherfuckers. i'm mad at this boy. we went on a date last nite. i like him. he wanted to cuddle with me and kiss me. we cuddled but it didn't feel right to kiss him just yet. so i kinda pulled away. we hung out from 7pm to 1am. when he left he didn't say "i had fun, we should do this again" nothing. grrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!! ok fine. he messages me on skype today (only because he thought i messaged him) and was like "hi, thought you were working today. oh wait, this is old" blah blah. so i message him from the social networking website we met on and i'm like "sorry i missed your skype message, i was working" blah blah. he wants to talk a bit on this website but still doesn't say "i had a nice time, let's do this again" blah blah blah. tell me you had a nice time and you wanna see me again or else don't fucking talk to me!!!!!!!!!!! you mother fucker! i don't wanna make small talk with you while i'm wondering whether i'll ever get to see you again.

this is why you should never meet someone from a social networking website!!!!!!!!!!!!! just say no to meeting people from the internet!!!!!!! don't ever give a guy your email address or AIM screen name!!!!!! make it impossible for him to get a hold of you unless it's through a phone call. men are lazy bastards.